eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
