Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
