A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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