I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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