Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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