i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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