Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
