So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
