You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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