Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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