i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
