the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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