i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
