His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
they need to just BURY HIM!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
