So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
