I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
