Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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