does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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