I think my fart just growled at me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
