I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
