i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
