I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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