did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
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