Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
