Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
