I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
