Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
