I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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