You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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