She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
