i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
