Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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