I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
