my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
