The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
