I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
