She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
