the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
