all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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