I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
