There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
