if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
