Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
