I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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