dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
