we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
