I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
