if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
