I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
