She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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