God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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