well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
