I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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