okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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