Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
